Thursday, April 04, 2019

Ship of Fools




Mike ruined everything when he referred to us as the ship of fools.

I put my early fear aside and laughed with the others. Bob Seger was in the room, so there was a slight possibility that the deeper significance might not settle anywhere. Still, I wanted him to take it back and never again suggest a name for that puppy; we couldn’t keep it and I wasn’t ready to let it go. Not even close.

The laughter stopped short, too soon for legitimate replacement emotions, too late to pretend nothing had happened. Mike slouched back in the chair and braided his fingers around his beer bottle. The four of us locked in a silent group stare at nothing. My hope sank as I watched him roll the rounded edge of the bottle on the table, aware that the others couldn’t look away either, and frightened by what that meant.

The name settled in hearts that would break now, when our puppy walked away. Determined to ride out every last second, I dared not be the first to move and end it all. I willed my bladder into submission, swallowed a sneeze, controlled my breathing, and snuggled up to the warmth of our fraying connection.

Collective passion for separate, sometimes conflicting dreams had united us, even when scattered to opposite corners in crowded places. Appreciation of the unspoken hunger we shared had bound us, like the rope that secures toddlers on a field trip. Only, our tie had been invisible, even to us.

Until Mike named it.

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