Several things on Facebook and a conversation with my sister over the past few days have reminded me how progressive and wise my mother was. And, I realized late in her life, after my father's death, that she was pretty much a mirror of the men in her life so my dad probably gets much of the credit.
The most recent reminder involves actions versus words. We were not required or encouraged to say ma'am and sir, to call people Mr and Mrs, or to use aunt and uncle, especially for people who were not blood relatives. I asked her once, when I was around eight years old, why the neighbor kids were required to say ma'am and sir, and should I have to say that to their parents since they said it to mine. She said no, I didn't have to use those words if they didn't feel natural to me. More importantly, though, she told me that I was always polite and kind, and as far as she knew, no one thought I was disrespectful to them. Yet, there were kids in the neighborhood who called her ma'am but their tones and actions were disrespectful. She laughed and said one boy's parents would be okay with him telling her to go to hell as long as he added, "Please, ma'am," at the end.
And that's why I don't play stupid games. You get what's real from me.
