Thursday, October 16, 2014
Debriefing Compliments
Posted to Gather, September 18, 2012 08:35 AM EDT
It’s hard to
imagine anything looking more painfully wrong. The gown, while still
dangling from a hanger in a doorway, reflected the impeccable skill and
attention to detail that brought people in need of a special occasion
seamstress to my mother’s door. The near paralyzing shock was not
related to the garment.
My job that day
was to assist with the hemming fitting. Jo changed into the gown and a
pair of pumps, clunked across the room, and nearly broke her neck
climbing up to stand on a chair. Mom measured and turned fabric – yards
of fabric around the bottom of the full-length, gathered skirt of the
gown. I held the red felt tomato cushion and supplied Mom with pins. I
had done this many times before with no problem other than wondering why
she placed the pins I handed her between her lips before using them on
the dress. Was I too slow? Did it enable her to position the pin the way
she wanted before using it? Did it replace the cigarette that was
usually between her lips? What should I do if she swallowed a pin?
This
time, seeking an explanation for the shocking wrongness replaced the
usual boredom-evading questions. The soft, frilly, bubble-gum-pink
bride’s maid gown looked ridiculous on Jo, who could easily have passed
for a male in the cloths she had worn in. A quick, self-conscious
meeting of the eyes told me she knew this as well as I did and couldn’t
wait to change back into her trousers, plaid shirt, and Chuck Taylors.
Guilt
almost destroyed me a few pins into the job. I was disappointed in me
for not wanting to tell Jo she looked pretty in her new dress. And I
hated myself for hoping Mom would swallow a pin since that was obviously
the only thing that might stop her continuous stream of
mumbled-around-pins, ridiculously unbelievable compliments. Couldn’t she
see that Jo looked more miserable with each word?
By
the time it was over, I felt as sorry for me as I did for Jo. Not only
was I forced to witness the wrongness of Jo in her pink gown and pumps,
and her misery in being complimented for looking a way I’m sure she
never wanted to look, I was also forced to realize how little my
mother’s compliments actually meant. Mom wasn’t blind or stupid so she
couldn’t possibly have thought miserable and wrong was attractive on Jo.
How many times had she complimented me because she thought it was the
right thing to say and not because the compliment was sincere?
If
I could relive that day, I would give Jo the honest compliment she
deserved: You are a wonderful friend for agreeing to buy and wear this
dress in your friend’s wedding since it isn’t your style and you will
probably never wear it again.
I would
like to believe that I learned a great lesson that day and, since I am
older than dirt, that it was a different time and saying the wrong right
thing got lost along the way. The truth is I’ve been slammed with that
lesson repeatedly, as recently as last week.
I
was present the day my daughters experienced this realization together,
as adults. A friend, who had praised them from birth and whose
compliments they had taken to heart, commented on the beautiful character
of a group of people that neither of my daughters would ever have
wanted to be compared to. I felt their eyes on me and hated to look
because I knew immediately what each was feeling. How could they
treasure the compliments she had paid them if her judgment was so
different from theirs, or her honesty so questionable? We discussed it
later and I shared my Jo story.
I might
have learned to tailor compliments so they will honestly fit, and to
withhold insincere praise. But, the fact that I can still feel the sting
of false compliments, whether sent in my direction or aimed at someone
else, or allow a lifetime of compliments to be negated when I hear
someone whose opinion I appreciated lavish false compliments on someone
else tells me I haven’t mastered this lesson yet.
The
big question for me today falls in the chicken/egg category. I do
believe that everything that happens, and every person who passes
through my life, contributes to who I am today. If I had not had high
self-esteem to begin with, how would insincere or undeserved compliments
have affected me? Would I have blown them off and not believed them, or
might they have boosted my esteem?
Let’s Talk About Legacy, Senator McConnell
Dear Senator McConnell:
Legacy: something transmitted by or
received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past legacy of the ancient
philosophers>
Thirty years is a long enough pattern to become legacy. When
looking at your thirty years in office and focusing, as most people will, on
the years since 2007, when you became the Minority Leader in the Senate, your
legacy should not make you (or your children and grandchildren who will have to
live with it) proud. You will be remembered mostly for your vow to make
President Obama a one-term President, with no concern for how badly your attempts
to do that harmed the residents of Kentucky,
the nation, and the world. You will also be remembered for your pork, which you
bragged about for years until your party decided it was a terrible, horrible, must-be-stopped-and-criticized-forever
activity. Your filibuster record, including the fact that you are the only Senator
to filibuster his own bill, will most surely brighten up a few history classes.
Regardless of the something
a voter considers important, you have left the majority of us with less than we
had before – exactly like the parent who dies and leaves his children with more
overdue bills than assets.
We have fewer jobs. People work harder for lower wages, and each
dollar buys less than it did when you came into office. Many people lost their
homes and their health care, and are unable to feed themselves and their
families. When given an opportunity to vote for something that helps, you
consistently fail. Even if it were true that the majority were doing better
(and that is not true), ignoring the people who are hurting the worst is
inexcusable. Inhumane disregard for
those in need will be your legacy. I will help keep that legacy alive for
you as long as I can and then ask my grandchildren to continue for me.
Unfortunately for you, regardless of party affiliation/registration,
most of us would say we have lost rights during your leadership. Your side
screams about being persecuted Christians who are no longer able to pray in
school and plaster the commandments they can’t remember on every public space so
they’ll never forget to ignore them in public. They mourn the fact that their
party has not delivered the theocracy they want, that big brother is watching
over home-grown terrorist groups/militias, that they might possibly be close to
losing the right to be armed and ready to kill in the grocery and daycare. They
are fearful that they might be forced to work somewhere that won’t cause them
to have black lung, and that a same-sex couple will get married and cause their
spouses to abandon them. Both sides are angry about feeling spied on. Failure to protect our rights will be your
legacy (Remember
The Protect America Act and Legislation Related to the Domestic Surveillance Program
which you introduced but tried to squirrel away from?). http://www.llrx.com/extras/nsa.htm
You are in a no-win
legacy position, Senator. Your destruction makes you a loser from my proud
liberal perspective. The fact that you didn’t destroy this country quite enough
makes you unpopular on your own side. If I were you, I’d wish I had been a
one-term Senator.
You still have a month to change all of this. You could
admit the truth, apologize, and resign. I would remember you quite differently
and bet others would, too.
If not for yourself, you might want to consider your party.
If, by chance, you care about anything other than yourself. In the thirty years
that you have been in office, your party has been circling the bowl. Making
that last-ditch-effort change might encourage others in your party to do the
same before the final flush. (Food for thought doesn’t really work here, but
you get the idea.)
This is what a winning legacy looks like: Ted Kennedy http://www.legacy.com/news/legends-and-legacies/ted-kennedy-10-facts/826/
Sandy
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Why I Will Not Sign the Kroger Petition
Sorry, Paul Hogarth of Daily Kos, but I will not sign your
petition telling Kroger that I am counting on them to keep customers and
employees safe. That would be counter-productive and dishonest.
I called my local Kroger stores, and then the PR guy that
one store was kind enough to refer me to. The answer I received was that
allowing open carry is their policy and they are sticking to it. As you pointed
out, I can’t go in without shoes or a shirt, or on a skateboard. I can’t smoke
in their stores even though I would have to corner someone with a severe
respiratory illness in tight quarters and chain smoke for years to kill him,
but they will allow a crazy person (because no sane person brings a war machine
into the grocery), with the ability to kill many people instantly, to roam the
aisles.
Sorry, but no one gets a second chance with me. Now, I shop
elsewhere and send Kroger copies of my receipts to show them what they are losing.
I will never return to a store that changes policy only after first getting tons of
publicity for being jerks, and then again for changing their mind (sorta/maybe,like Target). And I think everyone who participates in this groveling process enables
other businesses to play this game.
In addition, I have been calling businesses ahead of time to
ask if they have a no smoking sign on the door. Employees who answer the phone
know immediately that they do. Then, I ask if there is a no weapons sign next
to it. Not a single person has been able to answer that question. Some won’t go
look or transfer me to someone who knows. Some try their best not to answer the
question since they don’t know which side I am on. I have told several places
that I will just mark them off my shopping list, question unanswered.
I’m not going to shop on line with businesses that won’t
protect me inside their stores, either. They don’t deserve my business.
Please, don’t participate in the craziness. Boycott. And
never go back. That will send a message to all businesses so we don’t have to
spin wheels and waste time going through this repeatedly. We look sorta silly
when we do that.
cross-posted on Daily Kos
cross-posted on Daily Kos
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Identifying a Snow Job (Metro Chamber of Commerce aka GLI edition)
Words matter.
When drafting a page like
this one from the Greater Louisville, Inc. website (www.greaterlouisville.com/AboutGLI/), the purpose is to put
together words that will communicate a message that readers will find
attractive. The less attractive the product or service is, the harder that
project will be for the author. Fluff words and convoluted, meaningless tripe
are necessary when the actual message would repulse the average reader.
To hear/understand the actual
message, it is important to remove unnecessary fluff words, and then to dissect
the meaning, context, and motivation behind choosing the remaining words.
The author of the GLI
webpage deserves the golden turd for written bs (seriously, at one time, there
was such an award). I will take you through the page and insert the red flags I
found. Please, feel free to point out anything I missed.
From this point on, my words will be in parentheses and italicized. The rest are from the GLI website.
About GLI
Greater Louisville Inc. – the Metro Chamber of Commerce,
(why don’t they call it the Metro Chamber of Commerce
if that’s what it is? Could it be that people discovered a few years ago that
the Chamber of Commerce is not a friend of workers and patrons?)
is one of the region’s premier business organizations
(Google the word premier and
laugh with me, please. There is a premier bank, a premier home care agency, a
premier pet products store, a premier tattoo studio, a premier league football
news, etc. Every business that wanted to capitalize (pun intended) on the word
premier, whether or not earned or explainable, uses the word premier in their
description.)
and the leading
economic development agency for Greater Louisville.
(The is a
word that matters more than most. A
would have meant the author considers GLI one of more than one. The means the author absolutely states GLI
is the leading agency.)
(If I had some justification for stating I was the premier agency, I would include the
justification here. It is missing on the GLI page.)
Our purpose is to transform the
community in pursuit of our
(Our gets
three red flags from me. They, an agency I have no respect for or trust in, want to
transform me--I am part of this community--into
their dream? Whoa. Be still my Adrenaline.)
dream
for the region to become an idea capital where imaginations and individuals
thrive.
(What a string of nothing. I can just see a group
sitting around a conference room table brainstorming words that everyone likes –
dream! Imaginations! Individuals! I’m surprised Baby Jesus, veteran, kitten, and
tax evasion didn’t make the cut.)
We
do so by increasing human capital,
(What does
that mean? Are they birthing more workers for the community? Giving us money? Saving
the people who can’t find their caps lock keys?)
driving job creation
(Driving? Hard to believe that’s the word this author
wanted since it tells me nothing.)
and entrepreneurship, maximizing
(Oh, can’t wait for the next line that tells
me how they hope to do this)
global opportunities and inspiring business
leadership engagement on issues that impact the competitiveness of our region.
(Total brain freeze. My sarcasm does know some bounds.
And guess I’ll have to keep waiting because they aren’t telling me how they
hope to do this.)
Our Dream...
To become an idea capital of the world, where imaginations and individuals thrive.
(Wow. Little ole Louisville
the idea capital of the whole world. My huge imagination is finally going to
pay off and this individual is going to thrive. Watch out world, and, grandkids,
pack your bags for that island vacation I promised when I hit the jackpot.)
GLI is committed to the One Dream for our 26-county region .
(Louisville has 26 counties? Or, do 25 other
counties not have someone to write golden-turd-worthy websites for them?)
Our Purpose...
Our Purpose...
To transform our community in pursuit of the dream.
(This time it is the dream,
not our dream.)
Our purpose is our organization’s reason to exist and our commitment to changing our region for the better.
Our purpose is our organization’s reason to exist and our commitment to changing our region for the better.
(Huh?
My purpose is to be human, to age each day, and to state the obvious. How about
yours?)
Our Strategy...
To lead
(I didn’t vote for them to lead me.)
innovation and civic entrepreneurship…
(Why use ellipsis here? Is something missing? Are they
admitting it is too vague? Are they reaching out to the right-wingers who think
no sentence is complete without erroneous punctuation?)
while maintaining a
commitment to sustainable development – meeting the needs of the present
without compromising our ability to meet the needs of the future.
(Okay. I’ll see that load of pretentious bull and
raise you this. A bigger load of delightful nothingness I have seldom seen.)
We approach all we do from a strength-based
position,
(WTF? To quote Judge Judy, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.")
building on the authentic
assets of our organization
(Please, do identify your authentic assets of your
organization.)
and our region.
We are focused on five priorities:
We are focused on five priorities:
• Engaging (Engaging how?)
supportive
(Should I assume you will ignore the ones who don’t support
you – as well as the non-stakeholders who live and work in the community – specifically the people fighting for a raise in the minimum wage?)
stakeholders and delivering results
(Where do you detail the results you
have in mind? I’m worried, especially since this follows your commitment to
supportive stakeholders.)
• Funding our efforts through healthy finances
(I get this. I totally get this. Who wants diabetic or
anemic finances?)
• Expanding our chorus of raving customers who realize the value of Greater Louisville Inc. (If you don’t read anything else, this line is too good to miss. Their chorus of raving customers. I see them performing on street corners for coins often, don’t you?)
• Leading a passionate and talented staff through effective management practices
(In the spirit of tossing out any group of words that come to mind, I use a napkin when I eat.)
• Maintaining a commitment to being a learning and growth centered organization
GLI’s dream, purpose and three-year strategy was adopted by GLI’s Executive Committee in November of 2010. It serves as an organizational blueprint for GLI and guides all its work.
Success against these objectives is measured by ambitious goals and tracked on its balanced scorecard.
Our Staff Values
Results-Oriented: Pursue Excellence
Collaborative: United in Work & Spirit
Flexible: Expect the Unexpected
Passionate: Driven to Achieve
Fun: Enjoy the Journey
(This
page says nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please, think when you read and listen. Parsing words can be fun.)
Tuesday, September 02, 2014
Frank Simon of AFA Preys On Uninformed Kentuckians With Sensationalism and Lies
Each election cycle, the sinfully dishonest, gay-hating American Family Association of Kentucky sends out a letter similar to the one I'm posting here. Like their side-kick, the Good News Club, and in alliance with the Republican Party, they use military language to appeal to their millions of brainless followers because - you know - Onward Christian Soldiers, and good AFA Christians are such epitomes of weakness that they just want to kill people who don't want to be like them. (Follow the last two links and you'll see that I can speak their language when mocking them.)
In true Republican form, they project their guilt onto others and capitalize words that are not proper nouns ("It's a propaganda war. It is being led by the Liberal Media and our own Public Schools.") And their lies would rival even those of Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, and Michele Bachmann (who accidentally told one truth about Jesse Benton).
Please, read this trash carefully. Notice that they first use their war language, then remind their prey that this is a war and they have been threatened, and then link Left Wingers, Muslim Terrorists, and One Worlders. Tell me their goals don't stop at scaring people, but also go on to incite violence.
The call on their brainless wonders to do three things: 1) pray, 2) organize, and 3) believe that Common Core is an "illegal pornographic federal education program" instead of a program to save their children from being as stupid as they are.
If I were a praying (or preying) person, I would pray that they all stop with number 1.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
In true Republican form, they project their guilt onto others and capitalize words that are not proper nouns ("It's a propaganda war. It is being led by the Liberal Media and our own Public Schools.") And their lies would rival even those of Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, and Michele Bachmann (who accidentally told one truth about Jesse Benton).
Please, read this trash carefully. Notice that they first use their war language, then remind their prey that this is a war and they have been threatened, and then link Left Wingers, Muslim Terrorists, and One Worlders. Tell me their goals don't stop at scaring people, but also go on to incite violence.
The call on their brainless wonders to do three things: 1) pray, 2) organize, and 3) believe that Common Core is an "illegal pornographic federal education program" instead of a program to save their children from being as stupid as they are.
If I were a praying (or preying) person, I would pray that they all stop with number 1.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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