Honestly, I Do Want to Help Kentucky State Police Officers

Although the caller pitched for the Kentucky State Police this year, I’m fairly certain he must work for the same organization that usually irritates me in the name of the FOP. I let him rattle off every word of his script uninterrupted, not because I’m polite, but because he didn’t pause once to allow me a turn to speak. I have to admit, though, that I was glad to hear from a real person instead of a recording (see Aaron L. Wilson and South East Christian Church), and his spiel did have some entertainment value.



Without asking first if I am one of the lucky 90% who is somewhat employed, or if in addition to having food in the fridge, clothes on my back, and all the insurance I need in case of emergencies, I also have an extra stash available for people who approach me with their hands out, the caller assumed I would give. The only question he considered was how much I would give.



He told me how the police department works hard to protect me. I was willing to give him that one; I appreciate the police officers who protect me. I will even agree that they might be underpaid and underappreciated, and that it is a shame that they have to be lumped in with everyone else by the huge faction of our society who believes anyone who has a job should be grateful for that job, no matter how little they are paid or how poorly they are treated. I was willing to acknowledge and appreciate the Kentucky State Police, thank, and even to applaud them.



He started losing me when he mentioned their families and how I should also want to help them. Where has this man been? I spend my life fighting for all families. I’ve never excluded the families of Kentucky State Police troopers in my desire for all people to have what they need.



The teeth clamped down on my tongue, however, when he read the part about how they depend on generous donations from nice people like me. What fool put me on this caller’s Libertarian list when everyone knows I am a bleeding heart Liberal? I have never said anything, anywhere, any time that could possibly lead anyone to believe I support volunteer police departments, volunteer fire departments, or any other type of volunteer necessary service. I know how ornery my fellow citizens are. I know people who would begrudge volunteering to help anyone they thought held different values, or different beliefs, or different skin colors, or whose legality they would question because they look different. I know people who would sign up to volunteer and then remember that their girlfriend might get jealous if they had to help another female. I could probably name a few who would get drunk and forget they volunteered.



Contrary to whatever misconceptions someone fed this poor little phone solicitor, I’m all for tax-supported, government regulated services. I’m actually in favor or raising taxes so we can pay government employees what they deserve, and provide benefits to their families.



So, when this guy told me he had marked me for a twenty-five dollar donation and asked if I would like to give more, I told him to unmark me because I had something much better than cash to offer. I promised him I would vote for Democrats. That way, the Kentucky State Police and their families might have a fighting chance at decent salaries and benefits, and maybe hope for unemployment benefits or welfare programs should they lose their jobs.



Phone Solicitor’s tone was not so friendly when he was confused. He asked again if I didn’t want to help the Kentucky State Police and their families by increasing the twenty-five dollar donation he had assigned me. I explained, more carefully the second time, that I do want to help them and that is why I am giving them something much greater than twenty-five dollars. I am promising them hours of my time and energy via campaign work for Democratic candidates, and more than twenty-five dollars of my money through campaign contributions.



When he asked the third time if I didn’t want to help the Kentucky State Police, I said I would help by suggesting that they help themselves by doing exactly what I’m doing. I hope he didn’t confuse that with the ever-popular bootstrap message because I truly do want tax dollars to help Kentucky State Police officers and their families when they need it.