(published to Gather on March 27, 2008 09:08 AM ED)
I don't excuse her because she needs a nap, or because she saw Reeses Puffs ads on television, or because I have seen other children demonstrate the same behavior, or even because most three-year-olds behave that way. And I don't blame the grocer for stocking the unhealthy choice or the network for running the ad.
I don't excuse her inappropriate behavior because her father doesn't contribute emotionally or financially, or because she is female and therefore expected to be emotional. I don't decide she deserves a treat because she is female and will always get the short end of the stick in life. I don't reinforce any of the excuses she might hear from anyone, anywhere, any time in her life.
Did I already say I am not proud of her behavior? I want to say that again. I love her and I forgive her, but am not proud of my daughter's inappropriate behavior.
I will tell my daughter I am sorry she is disappointed. I will understand her need to cry. But, I will tell her that she chose the wrong time, place, and method of expressing that disappointment. I will explain that her inappropriate behavior disrupted others, and why repeating that behavior will not benefit her.
I will tell her screaming in public is not appropriate. I will tell her she has choices, and the power to choose behaviors that will benefit her in life. I will tell her how many friends, ads, movies, magazines, and grocery shelves she will meet in life, and how many times people will offer her excuses and scapegoats. I will make sure she knows I believe she has the strength to resist what will hurt her.
She might not hear me the first fifty times I tell her about her about power and choices, but that won't stop me; I will repeat myself until she finds her strength. As her mother, it is my job to believe in her, arm her with knowledge, and give her strength, and I take my job seriously.
I love and respect my child enough to help her when she is out of sorts.
When my government pitches an eight-year temper tantrum, I am not proud. I know it can do better. I will not excuse poor behavior because others have done the same, or put it down for a nap and hope that will solve the problems. I will address the problems and repeat myself until it finds the strength to make healthy choices.
It is not a matter of love it or leave it (I can't believe people are still saying that). For me, this is about loving enough to do the work, even when it isn't popular or easy.
As a citizen, it is my job to believe in my government, arm it with strength and knowledge, and I take my job seriously.
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