Identifying a Snow Job (Metro Chamber of Commerce aka GLI edition)

Words matter. 

When drafting a page like this one from the Greater Louisville, Inc. website (www.greaterlouisville.com/AboutGLI/), the purpose is to put together words that will communicate a message that readers will find attractive. The less attractive the product or service is, the harder that project will be for the author. Fluff words and convoluted, meaningless tripe are necessary when the actual message would repulse the average reader.

To hear/understand the actual message, it is important to remove unnecessary fluff words, and then to dissect the meaning, context, and motivation behind choosing the remaining words.

The author of the GLI webpage deserves the golden turd for written bs (seriously, at one time, there was such an award). I will take you through the page and insert the red flags I found. Please, feel free to point out anything I missed. 

From this point on, my words will be in parentheses and italicized. The rest are from the GLI website. 

About GLI

Greater Louisville Inc. – the Metro Chamber of Commerce,  

(why don’t they call it the Metro Chamber of Commerce if that’s what it is? Could it be that people discovered a few years ago that the Chamber of Commerce is not a friend of workers and patrons?) 

is one of the region’s premier business organizations  

(Google the word premier and laugh with me, please. There is a premier bank, a premier home care agency, a premier pet products store, a premier tattoo studio, a premier league football news, etc. Every business that wanted to capitalize (pun intended) on the word premier, whether or not earned or explainable, uses the word premier in their description.) 

and the leading economic development agency for Greater Louisville.

(The is a word that matters more than most. A would have meant the author considers GLI one of more than one. The means the author absolutely states GLI is the leading agency.) 

(If I had some justification for stating I was the premier agency, I would include the justification here. It is missing on the GLI page.) 

Our purpose is to transform the community in pursuit of our 

(Our gets three red flags from me. They, an agency I have no respect for or trust in, want to transform me--I am part of this community--into their dream? Whoa. Be still my Adrenaline.)  

dream for the region to become an idea capital where imaginations and individuals thrive.

(What a string of nothing. I can just see a group sitting around a conference room table brainstorming words that everyone likes – dream! Imaginations! Individuals! I’m surprised Baby Jesus, veteran, kitten, and tax evasion didn’t make the cut.) 

We do so by increasing human capital,

(What does that mean? Are they birthing more workers for the community? Giving us money? Saving the people who can’t find their caps lock keys?) 

driving job creation  

(Driving? Hard to believe that’s the word this author wanted since it tells me nothing.) and entrepreneurship, maximizing

(Oh, can’t wait for the next line that tells me how they hope to do this) 

global opportunities and inspiring business leadership engagement on issues that impact the competitiveness of our region.

(Total brain freeze. My sarcasm does know some bounds. And guess I’ll have to keep waiting because they aren’t telling me how they hope to do this.)

Our Dream...

 
To become an idea capital of the world, where imaginations and individuals thrive.  

(Wow. Little ole Louisville the idea capital of the whole world. My huge imagination is finally going to pay off and this individual is going to thrive. Watch out world, and, grandkids, pack your bags for that island vacation I promised when I hit the jackpot.)

GLI is committed to the One Dream for our 26-county region .  

(Louisville has 26 counties? Or, do 25 other counties not have someone to write golden-turd-worthy websites for them?)

Our Purpose...  

 
To transform our community in pursuit of the dream.  

(This time it is the dream, not our dream.)

Our purpose is our organization’s reason to exist and our commitment to changing our region for the better.  

(Huh? My purpose is to be human, to age each day, and to state the obvious. How about yours?)

Our Strategy...

 
To lead

(I didn’t vote for them to lead me.)   

innovation and civic entrepreneurship…

(Why use ellipsis here? Is something missing? Are they admitting it is too vague? Are they reaching out to the right-wingers who think no sentence is complete without erroneous punctuation?) 

while maintaining a commitment to sustainable development – meeting the needs of the present without compromising our ability to meet the needs of the future. 

(Okay. I’ll see that load of pretentious bull and raise you this. A bigger load of delightful nothingness I have seldom seen.)   

We approach all we do from a strength-based position, 

(WTF? To quote Judge Judy, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.")

building on the authentic assets of our organization  

(Please, do identify your authentic assets of your organization.)  

and our region.

We are focused on five priorities:

• Engaging  (Engaging how?) 

 supportive 

(Should I assume you will ignore the ones who don’t support you – as well as the non-stakeholders who live and work  in the community – specifically the people fighting for a raise in the minimum wage?)

stakeholders and delivering results

(Where do you detail the results you have in mind? I’m worried, especially since this follows your commitment to supportive stakeholders.)

 
• Funding our efforts through healthy finances  

(I get this. I totally get this. Who wants diabetic or anemic finances?)

 
• Expanding our chorus of raving customers who realize the value of Greater Louisville Inc. (If you don’t read anything else, this line is too good to miss. Their chorus of raving customers. I see them performing on street corners for coins often, don’t you?)

 
• Leading a passionate and talented staff through effective management practices

(In the spirit of tossing out any group of words that come to mind, I use a napkin when I eat.)

 
• Maintaining a commitment to being a learning and growth centered organization 

GLI’s dream, purpose and three-year strategy was adopted by GLI’s Executive Committee in November of 2010. It serves as an organizational blueprint for GLI and guides all its work.
Success against these objectives is measured by ambitious goals and tracked on its balanced scorecard.
 
Our Staff Values
Results-Oriented: Pursue Excellence
Collaborative: United in Work & Spirit
Flexible: Expect the Unexpected
Passionate: Driven to Achieve
Fun: Enjoy the Journey

(This page says nothing. Absolutely nothing. Please, think when you read and listen. Parsing words can be fun.)