Age thirteen, acceptance of his fate, and alcoholism arrived
together. He was unlucky, unlovable, and Satan owned him. Even if he
moved into the church and puked the bible
Van
Impe style, in tongues, he was not savable. Nothing could fix
him, but alcohol eased the pain of hearing how his God-fearing
parents had done nothing to deserve a disgraceful, demon-infested
son.
With hell a certainty and unpleasable parents, what could it hurt
to add drugs, sex, lies, disobedience, theft, profanity,
non-Christian music, and evil thoughts to the enormous sin of
attracting demons? A kid his age could hardly use mind-numbing
substances without the other sins, and he needed them to survive in a
world where all possible answers to his many questions were
unbearable.
In his world, parents who promised his damnation engaged in many
of the same activities—and worse—but for some reason God accepted
and saved them. Unanswerable question #1: Why them and not him? Even
if there were enough tears to wash away the ugliness that was him, he
lacked the privacy or time to shed them. Maybe the parents had never
been bad enough to learn that tears could be prayers. Or, more
likely, his belief that tears could be prayers came straight from
Satan and that’s why the parents mocked and punished him for
crying.
He learned to hide tears and pain, to hide most of the sins,
and
to hide from most of the questions. Hiding was second
nature--or maybe first--in a family where hypocrisy ruled. Was
thinking that about his parents the real ticket to hell since failing
to expect everyone else to adhere to rules he didn’t follow was the
only difference he saw between them and him? Maybe God gave credit
for making others do what you couldn’t? If he could only hate
sinners, the saving might take?
Unfortunately, Satan stood firmly between him and riteous hating.
Since he couldn't hate others, he would just have to hate himself.
In his world, parents preached love and family while sleeping in
separate rooms and showing no signs of affection, toward one another
or the offspring whose only worth seemed to be proof that the parents
had, at least on a few occasions, engaged in heterosexual, marital,
procreating activities. In his world, alcohol, drugs, and tobacco
were sins unless used behind the closed separate bedroom doors, and
hell-bound sinners were those who dared mention or question what went
on behind the closed doors. In his world, lies were sins unless
covering for parents and stealing was only wrong when others stole
from the family. God-fearing, saved parents were allowed to take from
people (including their children) who deserved it, like people who
were the wrong color, the wrong nationality, the wrong religion,
homosexual, too rich or too poor, or demon-infested.
In his world, tithing to the church meant you were exempt from
taxes and it was okay to worship worldly goods purchased with what
was left. People who envied what you had and demon-infested,
unsavable kids who suggested you should help others with some of that
money were sinners with their eyes on worldly goods. Illness was
punishment for disappointing God so there was no staying home from
school or skipping chores on sick days. Perfect attendance
certificates eased the pain of having a son that even God couldn’t
love.
In his world, laws were meant to be broken – until someone
outside the fold decided to try it. This is where things got
complicated. Sometimes, when sinners far removed from the fold
committed crimes against him, the hell-bound son was considered part
of the fold. He invited such offenses from outsiders in order to
enjoy a few words of support from the parents. In his world talent
was recognized when it served the Lord or earned money and fame, but
was a sin if practiced for pleasure. Guilt-induced chemical abuse
accompanied a lifetime of sinful enjoyment of his talent.
Knowing that he was unlovable made everyone who loved him suspect.
It was his job to drink more and make himself unlovable; to teach
them how to recognize demon-infested people when they met them. In
his world, he often walked away or woke the next day reaching for
another drink to ease the guilt of hurting every single person who
loved him. And knowing that Satan makes people drink and lie and hurt
people meant it was a done deal – every day of his remaining
twenty-six years, he proved to himself that Satan did, in fact, truly
own him.
If only he had been able to hide behind a locked door and miss all
of this so he could be saved.
“We're fighting
against spiritual powers,” one man says.
He follows with talk about passing
schools and seeing tanks on the ground, bullets, and mushroom
clouds, and talks about a being in a war zone for the hearts
and minds and souls of children – ages five through twelve,
although in other parts of the book they broaden that age range to
four through fourteen and warns:
“There will be parent adversity that
will come against you. In more of a raging torrent than ever before.
You are on that front battle. The battlefield is right
in front of us. It is those children aged five through twelve.”
Until now, I thought his world
of religious torture had been at home, and maybe at church although
when he spoke of the guilt he carried, he never mentioned church. Or
God. What if adults had come to his school with candy and pizza and
tempted him to attend meetings where they, too, would consider him a
battlefield and tell him he was a sinner who was going to hell if he
couldn't find some way to get saved? Would he have started hating
himself and drinking by third grade?
The Child Evangelism
Fellowship/Good News Clubs are doing exactly that: showing up with
treats, infiltrating schools, and telling small children that they
are sinners who will go to hell if they don't accept Jesus Christ as
their savior and evangelize their friends and families. They call the
schools “mission fields” and are in 3,500 (and counting,
according to their records) public elementary schools, terrorizing
more than 100,000 elementary school children in the name of religion.
And they don't plan to stop until they have reached every public
school and every child in them. They are in 170 countries, with a
goal of reaching all 208 by 2017, at which time they hope to have
destroyed the public school system in America with the assistance of
plants on school boards, and “prayer warriors” who attend school
board meetings to disrupt.
In my world, telling children they are
sinners and going to hell is child abuse. I've seen the consequences.
I also think it is abusive to rewrite history so that it appears that
our country was founded on Christian values[sic] and that separation
of church and state was never an intention of the founding fathers.
But they are rewriting history books to do that – and to remove
references to justice and to responsibility for common
good, and all forms of the word democratic.
While they wage war on our children,
and try to “harvest” them into uneducated, fearful, Christian
soldiers (many of them move their own children into Christian schools
or homeschool them), they accuse the rest of the world of waging war
on them - war on Christmas, war on Christianity, etc. And now we have
their war on women, where they try to reverse that and say that it is
a war on their religious freedom.
The only good news that might have come
out of this in his world, is that they teach children that the
end is near. That might have been good news for him. I imagine
thinking the end is near would also discourage children from caring
about education, caring for the earth, or seeking happiness.
